For much of my life I wanted to avoid feeling vulnerable at any cost. The idea of "exposing" myself, or being exposed in some way was terrifying. But when I think about it, isn't it when we're most vulnerable, when we've let our defences down and are being ourselves, that we're the most real?
For the longest time I had the idea that it wasn't safe to be vulnerable. I could be ridiculed or criticized and that didn't feel safe. But I've come to see that trying to hide behind a projection of what seems like it would be safe causes a lot of inner tension. I consume myself with what to say and do that fits an image of myself rather than just being me. It takes a lot more energy to be someone other than I am and it creates a distance between me and who I'm relating with.
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Isn't it interesting that we're willing to pay professional athletes such huge salaries to show us everything they've got? To go out onto a court or field and not hold anything back. We love that, don't we? We love seeing that level of vulnerability and how they respond to the game (to their life in that moment) so unreservedly. It's thrilling to watch that in another. Just imagine what it's like for them.
Could it be possible for us to experience life more deeply if we let go of thinking that being vulnerable isn't safe and engaged more from who we naturally are? Can we see through our limiting, conditioned thinking that being vulnerable isn't safe and step into life, step into the game, in new and more fulfilling ways?
The more I've seen that it's my thinking about being vulnerable that has me avoiding it, the more I've found myself stepping into situations from a more real place. I've begun to see how my thinking that generated the fear of being vulnerable, is like a shadow on the wall looking like a scary monster, but isn't.
Connie and I are seeing now that not only is it safe to be vulnerable, it's where we make the deepest and most satisfying connections. As a result, we've lost that inner tension that was always there when we tried to be something different. And with that tension gone, we no longer find the need to reach for food to relieve the tension. So, it's had an impact on our relationship with food as well.
The recipe this week is an Apricot Chickpea Curry. It's apricot season here so we couldn't resist this one. And it's different in that most of the ingredients are not cooked but raw, so very refreshing and satisfying.
To your Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
Apricot Chickpea Curry (Serves 2-3)
- 1 small red onion, diced
- 1 ½ teaspoons curry powder
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 tablespoon Sumac (optional)
- 4 tablespoons filtered water.
- 28-ounce car chickpeas, drained
- 3 cups fresh apricots or 1½ cups dried apricots
- ½ cup cilantro or parsley, chopped
- 1 Jalapeno, minced
- 2 medium limes, juiced
- 3 carrots, grated
- Fresh ground black pepper to taste
Add onion and spices to a medium pan with the filtered water. Cook until onion is tender, approximately 3-4 minutes. Turn off heat.
Drain and rinse chickpeas and add to a large bowl.
Cut apricots into 4 pieces and add to chickpeas in the bowl.
Add remaining ingredients along with the cooked onion and spices to the bowl and mix well.
Serve on a bed or lettuce with cooked grain or cauliflower rice. Enjoy.