Have you heard the expression: do you want to be right or happy? The first time I heard it was from a friend who was having an issue with her husband and when she explained the situation to their marriage counselor, he asked her that question.
That was the first time she had heard it, too, and, a little taken aback by the question, replied "Both."
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At times it can look like the only way we'll be happy in a situation is if the other person sees things our way (the "right" way).
But how often do I see things one way and Connie sees them differently? How can we ever be happy in a situation like that?
That plagued us for years in our marriage. But what brought us out of that was when we finally stopped making these situations personal. When we began to see that our point of view (the "right" way) was a preference or an opinion rather than a personal need to be happy.
In the case of our different views of how tidy the kitchen needs to be, that difference created tension between us for years. But now, as we relate to it in a way that isn't personal, we still have our individual preferences, but it doesn't have to be our way for us to be happy.
It reminds me of Rumi's poem: ""Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
That field for us is where our personal points of view (our ego) is not. And when we go there, by letting go of believing things have to be my way before I can be happy, there's a wonderful ease and closeness between us.
Another way to look at this may be to ask yourself: "Do I want my ego satisfied, or do I want my heart at peace?"
The next time you feel some tension, whether it's in the kitchen with your spouse, from a driver cutting you off in traffic, or a colleague misremembering something about a past project, see what will make you the most happy... and choose that.
The recipe this week is No-Bake Carrot Cake Balls. Quick, easy and delicious, these little, bite-sized treats are great as a simple dessert, to have in the refrigerator for a snack, or offer at a potluck.
To your Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
No-Bake Carrot Cake Balls
- ½ cup (10 medium) dates
- 2 cups rolled oats
- 1 ripe banana
- ½ cup raisins
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- dash teaspoon nutmeg
- 1½ cups grated carrot
- 1/3 cup pineapple, diced or crushed
- ½ cup walnuts
- filtered water
Add dates and rolled oats to a food processor and process to a medium chunk.
Add the banana and process well.
Add raisins, cinnamon, nutmeg, carrots, pineapple and walnuts and pulse to mix in well.
If the dough is too dry to hold together in balls, add 2 tablespoons of water at a time until the dough holds together.
Form into balls and store in refrigerator.