Pain and Suffering

There is a quote attributed to Haruki Murakami that says, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." We like that quote because it points out that, while we may not be able to avoid all things painful in life, we may have a role in the suffering we experience in it, i.e., be able to avoid the suffering part.

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I don't think anyone would argue that pain is an inevitable part of life. We all experience loss, disappointment, physical pain, or uncertainty. That’s just built into the human experience.

We bump our knee and it hurts. Someone says something critical and we get triggered or feel hurt emotionally. These things happen. It's the way life unfolds for everyone.

Suffering, though, is what we add on top. Suffering tends to come from our thinking ABOUT the painful situation. We hear ourselves saying things like, "This shouldn’t be happening,” or “Why me?”, “This will never end,” or “I can’t handle this.” This mental layer, this thinking ABOUT the situation, can keep the pain alive long after the event itself. This is the suffering. And this is the part we think is optional.

So to free ourselves from the suffering is to stop fighting the fact that it is happening. Stop arguing with the reality of the situation. And the good news is that, from there, our response tends to be clearer and less reactive.

What's interesting is that we all see this in action regularly. Two people can go through the same event and have completely different experiences. One resists, ruminates, tightens up → suffering. Another feels it, allows it, lets it move through → more ease and clarity.

The difference isn’t the event, it’s the relationship to it.

This is an example of what we mean when we say that our life experience comes from the inside-out, not the outside in. Things on the outside don't make us feel the way we do. What we feel in our experience is created by our thinking, inside ourselves, ABOUT the situation.

And we know that when we’re caught in suffering, it can feel total and overwhelming. But when resistance drops, even a little, there’s often a sense of space. The feeling is still there, but it’s not consuming everything. That “space” is what people often describe as freedom in the midst of difficulty.

This is why we often say to "pause" when we have an urge or craving to eat something when we aren't hungry. In that pause, we loosen the grip we have on the discomfort that we're wanting the food to cover or distract us from. And in that space, we have more clarity and can make a better choice.

Also, keep in mind, this isn't about doing it perfectly. This isn’t about never suffering. Everyone resists sometimes. The shift is simply noticing how you are resisting. How you may be "arguing" with what is. That awareness alone often softens things.

Tex Mex Buddha Bowl (Serves 2)

Polenta

• 1½ cups polenta (corn grits) Link for using Instant Pot to cook polenta.
• 5 cups filtered water
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 2 teaspoons no-salt seasoning
• 1 teaspoon Mrs. Dash Extra Spicy
• ¼ teaspoon black pepper

• 2 cups frozen corn
• ¼ cup nutritional yeast

• 15 ounce can black beans, drained
• 2 cups raw spinach
• 1 cup mango, cubed or frozen
• 1 avocado diced

Cook the polenta with the seasonings

Heat the beans on the stove

Make the Pico de Gallo from recipe below

When polenta is cooked, fold in corn and nutritional yeast

Assemble the bowl:

In a bowl, add polenta, warmed beans, half of the spinach, top with half of the mango, Pico de Gallo and avocado. Serve.

Pico de Gallo

• 1½ cups cherry tomatoes, cut in quarters
• 2 jalapeño peppers, diced
• 1 red, orange or yellow pepper, diced
• ½ cup cilantro leaves
• ½ small red onion, diced
• ½ cup salsa
• 2 limes, juiced
• ½ teaspoon ground cumin
• ½ teaspoon No Salt Seasoning
• ½ teaspoon Mrs. Dash, Extra Spicy
• 1/8 teaspoon Chipolte Powder

Add all ingredients to a bowl and mix well.