Connie and I grew up in a culture that had a bias toward always being positive or always being happy. I think that was very common back in the 60s and 70s, and is still quite prevalent today. Part of my becoming a "committed" people pleaser came from that cultural conditioning I'd say.
But the idea that we should always be positive or happy leads to unhealthy habits like burying our true feelings under layers of false smiles and never complaining or speaking up about difficulties.
The good news is that we found that we can be authentically positive in the midst of difficulties or low moods by understanding the inside-out nature of our experience.
Join us to hear more.
Years ago, I noticed that I would almost have to become angry to say no to people. Especially if saying no would look like I wasn't being positive and helpful. It created a lot of inner tension and stress in me and on all of my relationships. Fortunately, that's all changed now.
As we reflect on our lives, we see that the times we don't feel positive is when things don't go our way. That starts a cycle of not feeling positive but wanting to be positive or at least project a positive attitude. And this in turn creates an inner tension that leads to feeling even less positive.
What changed for us is that we began to see that our experience was created from the inside-out and not the outside in. That when we felt negative about something, it wasn't the event (outside of us) that made us feel that way, but our thinking (inside of us) ABOUT the event that produced the negative or reactive feeling.
Now, if I react negatively to being cut off in traffic say, that negativity is like an alarm bell going off inside reminding me to wake up to the nature of my experience. Wake up to the fact that what is producing the negative reaction isn't how the other driver is driving, but my thinking ABOUT it.
That seeing gives me pause. And in that pause, my mind starts to settle down the same way a snow globe settles down when I stop shaking it. Before I know it, I'm feeling settled again and back in an authentically positive state of mind.
We experience this natural settling all the time now. And we've seen our clients find the same shift in their lives to being more positive and appreciative, authentically. With this seeing there are no more false smiles or happy faces to cover our true feelings. No behaviour modification strategies. Just becoming present in the moment and seeing the situation for what it is, rather than how want it to be.
This is how we see that difficulties in our lives are really doorways to our personal growth and development. Growing and developing into our true nature, our authentic nature, and the positivity that we find there naturally.
For us, authentic positivity isn't something we learn or do, but the natural result of being gently in the moment and not resisting or pushing back against what shows up.
That isn't to say we don't say no or even take forceful action if that's what is authentic and for the benefit of all. But not a no or strong action from anger or defensiveness. A no or determined action from the clarity that comes when our mind is settled. That, to us, is the foundation for authentic positivity.
Let us know what you think in the comments below.
The recipe this week is a very simple and surprisingly delicious combination of butternut squash, cauliflower and kale. These, topped with our new lemon tahini sauce make for a dish you'll want to go back for more of. We call it Squash & Veggie Heaven.
To you Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
Squash & Veggie Heaven (Serves 2-3)
- Medium or larger butternut squash, seeded and peeled, cut in cubes
- 3 cups cauliflower florets, fresh or frozen
- Large bunch kale, tear in small pieces away from stems
In a large pan add a steamer basket and filtered water to reach bottom of basket.
Add squash, cauliflower and then kale. Steam until squash is tender, approximately 15 to 20 minutes.
Dish and add Tahini Lemon Sauce from recipe below. This is a fabulous dish with a sweet tasting squash.
Tahini Lemon Sauce
- 1 garlic clove, finely minced
- 1 tablespoon lemon juice
- ½ cup tahini
- ½ cup water
- ½ tsp cumin
- ¼ tsp black pepper
- ¼ cup coconut aminos
Add garlic to lemon juice and let soak.
In a bowl, mix together tahini and water until smooth.
Stir in lemon juice with garlic, cumin, pepper and coconut aminos.
Adjust consistency with more water if needed.