It’s not uncommon to hear a client tell a story of feeling hurt by something someone said or did. We’ve all felt that. An unkind word can produce a sharp hurt. And not being invited to a party can send us spinning in self-doubt, which is painful.
We explored this experience with a group of people recently and it was fascinating to see what came out of it.
Join us to hear more.
If you look at the last time you felt hurt by someone, can you see how what was said or done was related to an expectation of how they should talk to you or treat you? Looking back at my life, it's hard to find a single incident that wasn't related to an expectation not being met.
If that's true for you too, can you see that this is an example of how we are always feeling our thinking? When we have an expectation and it isn't met, it produces a feeling. And it's some form of uncomfortable feeling or hurt regardless of what was said or done.
When they don't meet my expectations, when life isn't showing up the way I expect and want it to, that feeling comes up and I immediately look for a way to get the world back to a safe and comfortable place. That's what was behind my people pleasing habit... that never produced rich and loving relationships.
But what I see now is that when I feel hurt I'm feeling my thinking ABOUT what was said or done. I can see that it isn't coming from the words said but what I'm telling myself those words mean-about me.
Now, when this feeling comes up, I no longer look for something to do to get them to apologize or see things differently. Instead, when I reflect and see the expectation or belief I have about how I want the world to should show up in my life, how people should say things or behave, it gives me pause and I begin to see the situation in a whole new way.
When I see that what happened wasn't about me but a reflection of their state of mind, what occurs to me to do is completely different than the old pleasing or defensive stance I would take in the past. Instead, I can see the situation more clearly and address the situation rather than than trying to get something to happen for me to feel better.
When we aren't trying to get anybody to change or behave differently, we can accept them just the way they are. And that is so freeing.
Also, we begin to see that these feelings of hurt are more like a wake-up call to reflect on our thinking ABOUT the situation instead of a call to action to change them or myself, life is so much easier.
When we see that our experience of life is created from the inside-out rather than being produced by what is happening outside us (outside-in), feeling hurt by something someone says or does provides us with an opportunity to learn to deal with life more effectively rather than constantly trying to manage situations based on our feelings.
The recipe this week is a Rice & Quinoa Salad. The rice and quinoa provide a nice protein component to the salad, and tomato, cucumber, celery, dried cranberries and walnuts pack a tasty punch. Give it a try.
To you Amazing Health,
Bill and Connie
Rice & Quinoa Salad (Serves 4)
- ¾ cups quinoa
- ¾ cup brown rice
- 3 cups filtered water
- ½ teaspoon ground cumin
- ¼ teaspoon turmeric
- 1 tablespoon no salt seasoning
- ¼ teaspoon ground black pepper
- 1 tomato, diced
- 1 cup finely chopped cucumber
- 1 stalk celery, ¼” slice
- 1 cup fresh basil, finely cut
- ½ red onion, finely diced
- ½ cup walnuts
- ½ cup dried cranberries
- juice of 2 lemons, about ¼ cup
Add quinoa, rice and filtered water, cumin, turmeric, no salt seasoning and black pepper to Instant Pot or medium pan. Cook 22 minutes in Instant Pot or bring to a boil and then turn to low for 30 minutes in a medium pan.
When cooked, fluff with a fork and allow to cool for 20 minutes or longer.
While the quinoa cooks, combine tomatoes, cucumber, celery, basil, onion, walnuts, cranberries and lemon juice in a bowl.
Stir in the cooked quinoa when cooled and mix well.
Serve as is, or over a large bed of lettuce.