Do you ever find yourself avoiding something? Something like writing an email or having a conversation with a loved one or someone at work? I think we all experience that at times. But have you ever thought there was a connection between that tendency to avoid things and cravings?
Join us the hear more.
On the surface, it looks like what I'm avoiding is the thing I don't want to do. Writing the email or having a hard conversation with someone. But as I reflect on it more I see that what's driving the avoidance is actually the feeling that I'm afraid will come up from writing the email or having the conversation.
Do you see that? If you look at the things you want to avoid, is it the actual doing of it or is it a feeling that you're afraid will come out of it that you don't want to feel?
As we've mentioned before, circumstances in our lives are neutral. It isn't a circumstance that creates the way we feel. One day we get cut off in traffic and get angry. Another day, same thing, cut off in traffic but we don't get angry. Circumstances are neutral and the feelings we have, our experience of it, comes from what we're thinking ABOUT the circumstance. "That jerk!" or "That poor, anxious driver." It's how we're seeing it and thinking ABOUT it.
And I see now that's what's behind my avoidance behavior. It's a feeling I imagine will come up when I think about the thing I want to avoid.
The beauty of seeing this is that I no longer try to manage the circumstances in my life or avoid things in order to live in a place of peace and contentment.
I've seen that I can get cut off in traffic and not get upset. And now I see that when I do get upset from that, I can return to a peaceful place by looking at my thinking. By seeing that it's my thinking ABOUT what happened, and in that, drop the thinking and the peace returns.
It's like what happens when we put a snow globe down. If it's all shaken up and the snow is flying around, we can't see what's at the center. And the way to get it clear again isn't to find a way to shake it just right, but to put it down.
Now, what does this have to do with cravings? Well, if I look at it I see that when I'm craving something to eat, I'm looking to change a feeling I'm having by eating the food. Eating the food (as a result of the craving) is my way of avoiding the feeling. Eating and avoiding a hard conversation are about the same thing: trying to manage our feelings.
So, in the same way that we come back to peace around something we're avoiding, we can come to peace in the midst of a craving by setting that snow globe down. Relaxing and pausing with the thoughts we're having in that moment.
As unlikely as it seems that avoidance and cravings are connected, can you see how they are through our wanting to manage feelings? Believing that peace and ease in our lives comes by managing what we do or don't do.
Life is so wonderful in how it brings us opportunities most every day to test this out and see if it's true. Give it a try and see if whether what you want to avoid is a feeling or the circumstance?
As we have come to see the truth of this more and more, the easier and less stressful our lives have become. What a blessing that is.
The recipe this week is a refreshing Spinach, Fennel & Mango salad. The perfect complement to a spring meal.
To our Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
Spinach, Fennel & Mango Salad (Serves 2-4) *Adapted from Cathy Fisher
- 1 large bunch spinach
- ½ bunch arugula
- 2 large Mangoes, peeled and diced or 3 cups frozen and thawed
- 1 fennel bulb, large grate
- 1 English cucumber, diced
- 1 large avocado, diced
- 1 bunch green onions, chopped
- 2-4 tablespoons fresh basil, chopped
- 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
- 2 limes, juiced
Wash spinach and arugula, pat or spin dry and add to a bowl.
Add mango, grated fennel, cucumber, avocado, scallions, basil, rice vinegar and lime juice to the greens.
Toss gently and serve.
You can also place greens on a platter, and spoon other ingredients on top.
NOTE: You can substitute spinach with Romaine or other leafy lettuce.