Connie and I grew up in a culture that had a bias toward always being positive or always being happy. I think that was very common back in the 60s and 70s, and is still quite prevalent today. Part of my becoming a "committed" people pleaser came from that upbringing.

But the idea that we should always be positive or happy leads to unhealthy habits like burying our true feelings under layers of false smiles and never complaining or speaking up about difficulties.

The good news is, we've found that we can be authentically positive in the midst of difficulties by understanding the inside-out nature of our experience.

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Years ago, I noticed that I would almost have to become angry to say no to something I didn't want to do, especially if saying no would look like I wasn't being positive and helpful. It created a lot of inner struggle and stress on me and all of my relationships. Fortunately, that's all changed now.

And as we've reflected on our lives, we see that the times we don't feel positive is when things don't go our way. That starts a cycle of not feeling positive but wanting to be positive or at least project a positive attitude. This creates an inner tension that leads to feeling even less positive.

What changed for us is that we began to see that our experience was created from the inside-out and not the outside in. That when we felt negative about something, it wasn't the event (outside of us) that made us feel that way, but our thinking (inside of us) ABOUT the event that produced our experience.

Then, if I reacted negatively to being cut off in traffic, that negativity was like an alarm bell going off inside reminding me to wake up to the nature of my experience. Wake up to the fact that what was producing the negative reaction was not how the other driver was driving, but my thinking ABOUT it.

That seeing would give me pause. And in that pause, my mind would start to settle down the same way a snow globe settles down when we stop shaking it. Before I knew it, I was feeling settled again and back in an authentically positive state of mind.

We experience this natural settling all the time now. And we've seen our clients find the same shift in their lives to being more positive and appreciative, authentically. With this seeing there are no more false smiles or happy faces. No behaviour modification strategies. Just becoming present in the moment and seeing the situation for what it is, rather than how my thinking would want it to be.

This is how we see that difficulties in our lives are really doorways to our personal growth and development. Growing and developing into our true nature, our authentic nature, and the positivity that we find there naturally.

For us, authentic positivity isn't something we learn or do, but the natural result of being gently in the moment and not resisting or pushing back against what's showing up.

That isn't to say we don't say no or even take forceful action if that's what is authentic and for the benefit of all. But not a no or strong action from anger or defensiveness. A no or determined action from the clarity that comes when our mind is settled. That, to us, is the foundation for authentic positivity.

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

The recipe this week is a very simple and surprisingly delicious combination of butternut squash, cauliflower and kale. These, topped with a lemon tahini sauce make for a dish you'll want to go back for more of. We call it Squash & Veggie Heaven.

To you Amazing Health,

Connie and Bill

Squash & Veggie Heaven (Serves 2-3)

• Medium or larger butternut squash, seeded and peeled, cut in cubes
• 3 cups cauliflower florets, fresh or frozen
• Large bunch kale, tear in small pieces away from stems

In a large pan add a steamer basket and filtered water to reach bottom of basket.

Add squash, cauliflower and then kale. Steam until squash is tender, approximately 15 to 20 minutes.

Dish and add Tahini Lemon Sauce from recipe below. This is a fabulous dish as long as your squash is sweet to taste.

Tahini Lemon Sauce

• 1 garlic clove, finely minced
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• ½ cup tahini
• ½ cup water
• ½ tsp cumin
• ¼ tsp black pepper
• ¼ cup coconut aminos

Add garlic to lemon juice and let soak.

In a bowl, mix together tahini and water until smooth.

Stir in lemon juice with garlic, cumin, pepper and coconut aminos.

Adjust consistency with more water if needed.