We've coached a lot of people around relationship. What almost always brings them to us is something that upsets them and they're making the other person wrong for it. Then it can turn to blame and defensiveness as they try to work it out, usually by trying to get the other person to change. This doesn't work, as we have all experienced.

What has helped our clients resolve their issue is when they see the role their thinking plays in their experience. When they see they are giving their attention to "ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing", as Rumi put it in his poem, and they can find the field he refers to that is beyond the right/wrong thinking. It's like magic.

They find themselves feeling close again. And if something does need to change, they address it from a place of love and respect.

Here's the full poem:

Beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field.

I'll meet you there.

Join us to hear more.

The gist of what our clients learn is that when they are triggered or upset about something, they are feeling their thinking. They have gone into some form of wrongdoing thinking and that's what they're feeling. Their thinking is what's creating their experience of upset.

We've said this before, our experience is always created by our thinking in the moment. And almost always, if we feel upset, we're making the other person (or ourselves) wrong in some way.

Seeing that it's our thinking and not the circumstance that has to change for our experience to change, allows us to find the field that Rumi refers to.

That field is always there and available when the mind is settled. It's who we really are. It's our true nature. But when the mind is unsettled and upset because of out thinking, we don't experience the peace and love that we are. So it's about getting back to a settled mind, which is the field that's beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing.

The big question then is, how do we do that?

When we pause our thinking and get curious about what's really happening, the mind can settle. In the same way a snow globe settles down when we stop shaking it, our mind settles down when we stop believing that the thoughts we're having are the Truth.

When we can pause and get curious about whether our thinking is accurate, it takes us out of the ideas of right and wrong doing. From there we see everything differently and we can address the issue free of the blame and upset that gets in the way of a productive conversation.

Finding the field, that is always within us, is a key ingredient in building a strong foundation in any relationship. And it's always just a thought away.

The recipe this week is Mac & Cheese with Spinach. We've tried numerous vegan Mac & Cheese recipes but never really found them satisfying. So, we made one up ourselves and think it's the best on the market. Give it a try and let us know what you think.

To your Amazing Health,

Connie and Bill

Mac & Cheese with Spinach

• 4 cups butternut squash, baked
• 1 cup cashews, soaked in 1½ cups hot water
• 2 dates
• 2 tablespoons no salt seasoning
• ½ cup nutritional yeast
• 2 teaspoons sriracha or hot sauce
• ground pepper to taste
• 11 oz fresh spinach (1 large clam shell)
• 16 oz. macaroni, or pasta of your choice

Cut the squash in half, seed it and bake at 375º for 45 minutes, or until soft.

In a food processor, add the cashews, dates, no salt seasoning, yeast, sriracha and pepper and process until smooth.

Cook the pasta, timing it to finish 5 minutes after the squash is done.

I like to wilt the spinach. You can wilt it by placing it in a large pan and adding the pasta to it right after the pasta is done and still hot. Or, you can add ½ inch water to a pan large enough to hold the spinach. Bring it to a boil and add the spinach, stirring every 15 seconds until it’s slightly wilted. Pour off any excess water and cover. Then add it to the pasta when it’s cooked.

Scoop the squash out of its shell and add 4 cups of it to the sauce in the processor, blending well until smooth. If it’s too thick, add more water, 1 tablespoon at a time. If it’s too thin, add more nutritional yeast, 1 tablespoon at a time.

Pour the sauce into the pasta and spinach, mix well and serve.